Online Dating Guide

Welcome to the world of online dating. We will take a few moments to answer questions that will guide you into the world of online dating.

Is online dating safe?

There are a few steps you can take to make online dating as safe or safer than traditional dating. You can date or meet people online and never reveal your true identity until you feel comfortable doing so. All of your communications will be done using a handle (an alias). Choose a handle not containing any personal information that could be used to find you. If asked, never disclose any personal information to your new potential friend such as a home address, your employer, or any bank account or social security numbers.

How does online dating work?

Online dating services usually offer a free sign-up. Some sites might want you to fill out a questioneer, use your profile (which we talk about later) to help you fill these out. Some matchmaking sites will use the questioneer to provide you with people matching your profile; this will give you a head start. Use the free trial period to explore the site, see what they offer, what their procedures are, and see who's using the site. If you want to initiate contact there is usually a fee to pay. We recommend that you use a fee based site, this will screen out those just looking to have fun, you will then be communicating with those that are as serious as you - isn't that what you want?

What do I need to get started?

You will want to sign-up for a free anonymous email account, we recommend Yahoo or MSN. Use the same rules used for choosing a handle when choosing an email username. Test your account to ensure your real name does not appear in your messages. Use your new email account exclusively for your dating needs so you can abandon it if you ever need to. You will also want to open an account for your dating related instant messaging. Yahoo, AOL, or MSN can provide you with instant messaging accounts. You will want to have all your phone conversations on a cell phone; home phones can be traced back to an address. Finally, you will need to develop a personal profile. Your personal profile is your advertising, it's what others will use to determine if they want to contact you or reply to you.

How do I write a personal profile

Look at some other profiles, you will find some that draw your attention and the rest look real similar to each other. Analyze those that appealed to you, how were they different from the others? Your goal is to write a profile that stands out from the crowd, gives an accurate description of yourself, tells what you are looking for, and does this in as few words as possible. You want to be honest, let people know about what makes you unique, and above all keep it positive - tell about what you want and not what you don't want. Avoid the use of acronyms (DWF, SBM, etc..) you will start to blend in with the crowd. Start with a catchy heading or introduction. In the body tell a little bit about yourself; your unique attributes, your hobbies, what you like to do, what you can bring to a friendship. You will also want to describe what you are looking for in your new friend, remember to keep it positive and write about what you want and not about what you don't want. Your profile will be read by a wide audience, don't tell your life story, make someone want to contact you to learn more.

How do I respond?

So you are now in the system and you want to contact someone or someone has contacted you, what next? What you are looking for at this point in time is a friend, that friendship may develop into something more in the future - you're just going to have to wait and see. It's a good idea to keep a log of some kind to know who has contacted you and whom you have contacted; this will help eliminate any confusion.

If someone should contact you take some time to determine if they really read your profile, there will be those that just send out form letters, you're not interested those - right? Look for instances where they have found something in your profile that interest them and they point out what you have in common. You should try to respond to all of those who write to you, even if you are not interested tell them so. Take a look at the profiles of those who have written to you and see if their profiles interest you. Do you have something in common? When replying to those inquiries tell them a little more about yourself, answer any questions they might have about you, and ask them a couple important questions that you will use to screen out the undesirables. Keep track of these communications in your journal. Keep your communications honest; you don't want to find out at the last moment that someone has not been entirely truthful about himself. It's not a job interview, have some fun and see where things go.

If you contact someone tell them what in their profile interests you. Point out what you have in common with them. Tell them something about yourself they won't find out by reading your profile. Ask them a question or two that are important to you that they can't answer with a simple yes or no. Finish up by telling them something that will make them want to write you back because they can't wait to find out more. Once again, keep things fun, and log your communications in your journal. Some people do not read their email every day, computers can act up, and sometimes folks are on vacation. If someone does not return your email in a couple weeks and you are still interested, write them back one more time. If they don't answer a second time you can take that to mean that they are not interested. You won't be able to determine if there is a real attraction between two people in a couple emails, it will take some time, be patient and have fun.

What next?

After a few weeks of emailing, instant messaging, and phone calls you might develop a real attraction to someone - the feeling should be mutual. At this point, if you are geographically close enough, you should think about meeting this person face-to-face. If there are no geographic restrictions and this person is not interested in meeting you, consider finding someone else more serious about a relationship. When you do make plans to meet a person arrange for that meeting to take place in a public place and arrange for your own return transportation. Plan a short meeting so that nobody will feel uncomfortable for too long if things don't work out. Consider this person to be a stranger until you have known them in person for a while. Arrange for a good friend to know whom you will be meeting and when you will be expected back, they should be prepared to look for you if you don't return when expected. Consider having that friend call you on a cell phone periodically to make sure you are OK. You could use this as an excuse to end a meeting if things are not working out. At your first in-person meeting do not reveal any personal information this person could use to find you. Keep an eye on your personal possessions and your food and drink. Now is your chance to see if there is any real chemistry between the two of you.